A Little Bit of Me

Blog Every Day In May

Day 11, Saturday: Sell yourself in 10 words or less

I kind of wanted to take a poll for today's post. I've never been  very good at selling myself, not even when applying for jobs! Jenni (the girl who started this month's challenge) just did a list. I like that idea. So here is my list of what I think makes me!


Creative.
Bold.
Musician.
Funky.
Playful.
Cheerful.
Hardworking.
Adventurous!
Loving.

And for lack of a tenth one I will use my husbands word. "Beautiful"

Welcome to My Version of Life

Get A New Job!!!

My baby turns 1 tomorrow... God. Where did the time go?

I am not one of those mom's who cry's because their baby is becoming a toddler. In fact, I am one of those mom's that welcomes it! I watched my daughter walk to me from the hallway to the couch in the living room without touching ANYTHING today. Joy people. Real joy. I won't have to carry the rascal for much longer! Just kidding... well... sorta.

So I hopped on me ol' bloggy here tonight to confess something to the internet world. Something I know every single mom has felt and I am sure there are a plethora of blog posts on it...

I am a bad mom.

For real. I seriously nearly had a mental break-down over this today. I get those email updates on 'where your baby should be now.' And it was all congratulating me on my baby hitting 1. Yay Me... wait. Yay Rhaps! Anyways. I popped onto the website to look up some other information and that's when the mommy forum loaded. I kid you not. It was these mom's comparing "well my SON walked TWO months ago and is now running..." and "my kid feed's herself..." and "we're still BF, don't know how any mom stops at 1..." and "we've completely transitioned to cow's milk..." Everywhere I turned it was mom's one-uping each other. Not being mean. Of course they were civilized. But I found myself reading these post thinking, "I'm a bad mom. I want to stop breast feeding... like... yesterday... and Rhapsody doesn't really say wooords, more like syllables that sorta make words that she uses often... Rhapsody can't really walk... She doesn't use sign language... She doesn't use a spoon... She can't recite her alphabet!... This is ALL my fault... I am a bad mom..." Seriously internet. You are one fantastic recourse, but you feed into my low self esteem so easily. All of my human and motherly fears can be brought forth by one minuscule email! I realized while I was reading all these mothers triumphs I was destroying all of mine... Why do we do that! Every decision we as mother's (and father's!) make will not only be ridiculed by people around us, but also by ourselves. This is not to say that sometimes you need to adjust how you parent if you come to realize you are operating in an unhealthy manner. However, why should I feel bad because of your kid's advancement? I shouldn't! My kid is AWESOME, and I am pretty awesome myself. I mean, dear god, I birthed that thing that now crawls screaming through my house, dropping toys (mostly not her toys, but I digress) into my toilet, and causing general mayhem! She rocks, therefore I rock. And you, mom who judges me (or dad... men read too... right?) well you person can SUCK IT. And to the freaky lady who lives in my brain... get a job that doesn't involve ridiculing me! Why don't you make me cheesecake and bring me wine? Seems like a better job for the internal me.....

Welcome to My Version of Life

Three Years...

3 Years, 2 Dogs, 1 Baby later....

Today marks the three year wedding anniversary of my husband Richard and I. I always see on FB how everyone changes their pictures to ones of their wedding, but I thought I would write a blog instead!

Three years ago today I stood in a tiny chapel in Bryson City, NC and said my vows for all my family and friends to see! We had legally got married on April 30th thanks to some circumstances involving the military and Richard's orders to England, but the 10th of July was the first time we got to say the vows together, and more importantly in front of the people who meant the world to us.

What honeymoon period? Maybe it's because Richard and I were together for nearly four years before we got married (by together I mean we were 'together' in a total teenage sense for a while before becoming "steady"), but I never really feel like we had a 'honeymoon' phase... In fact, I like where we are at in our relationship now so much more than when we began our marriage. We've both done a lot of growing up together. We have had some amazing adventures together. Everyday gets better! We are learning how to work more and more as a team as each week passes. And the sex is always getting better! (sorry mom! I know you read these blogs, but I had to brag a bit!)

I love that I married a man who is so similar and so different from me. My firecracker is tamed by his mellow. We share a love for music that is contagious. Richard is always teaching me new things. Heck, he even taught me how to play my first musical instrument, and how to keep a car running! And I know my big mouth is always teaching him something about the nonsense I know.

Now I will boastfully share the beautiful photo's from our wedding taken by our friend John Read at Read Creations!

There are alot... I had a hard time chosing my favorites!

           

The artsy fartsy ones come first! I love all of these pictures. They are quite simply just beautiful...

Pretty proud of myself here. These were the days before pinterest and we did alot of things ourselves! Including making the bridesmaid bouquets and the centerpieces!

All my bridesmaids! My two best friends Brittany and Kari, and my sisters Nina and Annie. I love all of these girls so much and am so thankful that they got to enjoy the day with me....

 One of my favorites of Richard and I...

My parents...

My foster parents. This was the church they were married in and I am so glad to have gotten married there as well. My sister also got married in this church a year after me. Words cannot express the love that I have for Jack and Carolyn. They were my rocks, and I look to them as my mom and dad. I am one lucky girl, I have so many parents! 

Richard's parents! 

Richard's grandparents. I'm pretty sure grandpa said something at the point just before the shot that made me laugh. That man is always making me laugh! 

 

My men! Richard and Richard. Richard Read was my husband's best man and is his best friend. 

Seriously ya'll, who is that girl? I have never felt pretty, but I really love this picture of myself. I feel pretty when I look at it...

  

The real center of this whole shindig! THE CAKE! Another mother in my life, Momma Read, spent hours, days, and weeks making this cake as our wedding gift. It was glorious.

Richard's idea. He'll be the first to tell you! We just love this picture!

I thought I would be cheeky and get Richard... Then when he came at me I ran. That's when Read grabbed me and held me for Richard to get me back! 

Meet Chuck... My 1987 Toyota Corolla that I simply loved. He was amazing. 

...............................

And us now! Each a few pounds heavier, sporting some more wrinkles, but as happy as ever living this great adventure that the military has called us to! Ups and downs and pitfalls abound. We have trials and hardships a plenty but I love this man with all my heart. I love our dogs and our child. I love our life at the same time that I find myself cursing it. Here's to a lifetime more of adventure!

................

This next year of marriage is sure to be interesting! We have a move to Turkey to conquer and a trip home with a toddler. We have new friends to make, and too many goodbyes to contemplate. I know that hand in hand we can conquer anything thrown our way!

Welcome To My Version of Life...

Seriously Baby?

In our house Rhapsody gets to roam wherever she would like. When she leaves the room I'm in I just keep an ear out for her. This afternoon I was vacuuming the living room, when finishing I realised I hadn't heard my baby in a while. I walked about the house calling her name, looking in every room. Twice. I heard her call for me a couple times but I couldn't figure out where she was!! Then it hit me. The stairs. I walked down the hall and peered around the corner to the stairs and there my child was. Looking down at me. Big grin on her face and Nali dutifully beside her. Then Rhapsody began climbing down the steps. Like a pro. I swear! How much heart attack can one baby give! Her newest form of entertainment will surely keep me on my toes....

Just a Touch of Crazy...

Blog Every Day In May

Day 17, Friday: A favorite photo of yourself and why?

ke most women out there, I am sure, I do not like getting my photo taken... Most of my 'favorite' pictures were taken with other people. However, taking this challenge seriously I found a couple of just me.


When thinking about what picture is good, of course I think back to my wedding, or my maternity pictures... Three pictures came to mind as a 'favorite,' so you guys have the joy of viewing THREE WHOLE pictures of just me! How lucky of you!

This is a photo that I shot while visiting my then fiance when he graduated from BMT in Texas. It pretty much sums up... me... Just a touch of crazy... crazy awesome!




A beautiful picture taken by my proffesional photographer at my wedding. Probably my most favorite picture that is of me being... well... normal.


 

Another picture of me at my wedding. yep. I'm sexy.


 

Welcome to My Version of Life ....

 

 

I Will Overcome...

Blog Every Day in May

 

Day 16, Thursday: Something difficult about your "lot in life" and how you're working to overcome it

 

I am not exactly sure what to say to this post. I have had a very rough life. No other way about it. But for 5 years I have undergone a lot of healing, and some fantastically amazingly good things. I have overcome what happened to me as a child, and have transitioned into telling my story to help other people.

 

Sure, I still suffer extreme self-image and self-esteem issues. But even those feelings have gotten better (remember, I wrote an apology to myself...)

 

So for a minute, if you will indulge me, I will give you the short and dirty of my 'old' lot, and then give you my new, improved lot...

 

For pretty much as long as I can remember my father (step-father, but I had know knowledge of the fact until well after the beginning of it all) sexually abused me. He molested me, beat me, threw things at me, played mind games, and preyed upon a mere child. He was pretty much a disgustingly horrible person. He treated my entire family as if we were the dirt upon his shoe. It was serious middle ages, we had to do what he said for face his wrath. My step-father was a cruel, evil alcoholic with some serious bi-polar tendencies. My mom didn't know how to get us out of the house, she couldn't see that she could survive without the evil man. He had her trapped in a morbid spell. Through a miracle I came to Christ in my 16th year of life, right after I met the man who would be my future husband. I started my senior year of high school practically anorexic (I just never felt like eating...), with an over 4.0 grade average because school was the one thing I could have control over. I dreamt of escape to the stars. Literally. I was destined to join the Air Force Academy. Through the process of applying, I ended up in my principles office on one fated day. It all spilled forth from me when she asked one question... Three very convincing women later and I was driven to the Cherokee Police department to give a statement that would forever change my lot in life. Through lots of tears, trials, and fears, I made it through alive. I lost a lot of family. A lot of hope. But I exchanged it all for something so much better. I was adopted (in everything but paperwork) into a new family. They showed me what a family was supposed to look like. How a daddy was supposed to love his daughters, not the twisted way in which I thought life was. I underwent so much through the next two years, it all ended at the court trial that released my mother from jail. That slimy old step-father of mine only got six years of prison time (I mean for 17 years of my life, I thought he deserved a bit more than 6 years in prison!) And I began the move forward into a much healthier, happier, life.

 

There is soooooo much more to that story than I have written here today.So much heartache, deception, and even love. One day I will write it all down in a book to share with other men and women who underwent similar circumstances. I hope to bring healing into their lives!

 

Anyways, two years after leaving my 'home' for my adopted family, I married my husband. Then two years later we welcomed our beautiful daughter into the world! I still suffer from panic attacks, nightmares, and random other things, but not nearly as much as when I first came forward. I have come to realize that everything that happened to me was not necessarily God's will, BUT, that He can use it to do so much more good. I have found myself thankful for what happened because now I have the ability to help men and women who would otherwise not have a voice. What happened to me as a child has propelled me forward into a fantastic life. I have bad days still, but most days are beyond good.

 

I have a loving family, a fantastic life, and some amazing friends. My lot these days is quite good. Sure I can 'complain' about a lot of things (I mean come on, my husband is military!) but my life now is so blessed. I am thankful to Christ for all that He has brought me from: a broken 17 year old sitting in her principles office to a strong woman who can speak out for the abused and neglected. 

 

 

 

I made this video when I was pregnant with my daughter. Wasn't the most well-made, but it was a healing experience for me! I find more and more healing in sharing my story. Every time I do I know that someone is hearing, processing, and healing within themselves as well.

 

 

Welcome to My Version of Life...

 

 

Ten Things...

Blog Every Day In May

 

Day 14, Tuesday: Ten things that make you really happy

 

 

One. My baby. I never knew joy until I met my child. I never quite knew frustration, exhaustion, and fear either...

 

Two. My husband. I mean, seriously, don't know how I got so lucky! Richard can take a bad day and completely turn it around (he can do the opposite too, but we'll forget that).

 

Three. Sunshine! Living in England, not much can make me as happy as some sunshine! It's painful when it appears, but so fantastically rejuvenating. People get happier, and skin starts showing.

 

Four. Singing. Seriously I love singing. I may not be the best at it, and some people don't like my voice, but when I can sing freely (especially with my husband) I experience such great joy. I don't think my husband always understands my need to just sing (he likes to 'mess' about more than actually play), but when we really buckle down and practice I just love it!

 

Five. Swimming. I don't know what it is, but I just love water! Even baths can make me feel great! I guess that's why I chose to have a water birth. I have always felt fantastic in the pool, ocean, bathwater, anything!

 

Six. Surrounded by people. This is something Richard and I both share. We love people! We love having friends, and spending time with them. Our weekends are usually spent with other couples, socializing and making memories. We love the Pub setting because of the bustling people, the open conversation, and the noise! We often get into random conversations with strangers that bring more depth and joy to our lives (I'll have to recant the story of the old couple in Norwich sometime, they were amazing!)

 

Seven. Travelling! I LOVE travelling! The joy of exploring somewhere new is amazing. I find myself standing in castles, cathedrals, ruins and brought to tears with the immense history that surrounds the place. I literally cried at Canterbury Cathedral when I stood upon the steps that Thomas Becket was martyred. This was a place and time I had read in history books, and now I have the privilege of being there. It is absolutely amazing.

 

Eight. Christmas. Maybe because we didn't celebrate Christmas for quite a bit of my childhood, or because I pretty much just a big kid, but I LOVE Christmas. As soon as Thanksgiving passes, my joy level rockets! I love giving people presents, watching their joy! I love Christmas trees, and the myth of Santa. I love tinsel, mistletoe, slippers, and Christmas jammies.

 

Nine. Reading a book. I don't get to read often, but I love when I do! It is my dream to have a 'reading chair.' One of those obnoxiously comfortable chairs that I can just sit back with a book (or a nook!) and read until my hearts content.

 

Ten. Writing. When I get the time to write, I just love it. It's why I started a blog. I love blogging when my daughter goes to bed (another thing that makes me happy...Bedtime...), I sit back with the laptop or my iPhone, put some TV on for background noise, and write. It's even how I like to pray. I have journals that I write my secret words to God in.

 

 

 

I know these aren't particularly beautiful things that make me happy. In fact, its quite simplistic. I have read other peoples words and realized how much better they wrote, or the 'prettier' things that made them happy, but I guess this is me. Simple.

 

 

Welcome to My Version of Life...