I Will Overcome...

Blog Every Day in May

 

Day 16, Thursday: Something difficult about your "lot in life" and how you're working to overcome it

 

I am not exactly sure what to say to this post. I have had a very rough life. No other way about it. But for 5 years I have undergone a lot of healing, and some fantastically amazingly good things. I have overcome what happened to me as a child, and have transitioned into telling my story to help other people.

 

Sure, I still suffer extreme self-image and self-esteem issues. But even those feelings have gotten better (remember, I wrote an apology to myself...)

 

So for a minute, if you will indulge me, I will give you the short and dirty of my 'old' lot, and then give you my new, improved lot...

 

For pretty much as long as I can remember my father (step-father, but I had know knowledge of the fact until well after the beginning of it all) sexually abused me. He molested me, beat me, threw things at me, played mind games, and preyed upon a mere child. He was pretty much a disgustingly horrible person. He treated my entire family as if we were the dirt upon his shoe. It was serious middle ages, we had to do what he said for face his wrath. My step-father was a cruel, evil alcoholic with some serious bi-polar tendencies. My mom didn't know how to get us out of the house, she couldn't see that she could survive without the evil man. He had her trapped in a morbid spell. Through a miracle I came to Christ in my 16th year of life, right after I met the man who would be my future husband. I started my senior year of high school practically anorexic (I just never felt like eating...), with an over 4.0 grade average because school was the one thing I could have control over. I dreamt of escape to the stars. Literally. I was destined to join the Air Force Academy. Through the process of applying, I ended up in my principles office on one fated day. It all spilled forth from me when she asked one question... Three very convincing women later and I was driven to the Cherokee Police department to give a statement that would forever change my lot in life. Through lots of tears, trials, and fears, I made it through alive. I lost a lot of family. A lot of hope. But I exchanged it all for something so much better. I was adopted (in everything but paperwork) into a new family. They showed me what a family was supposed to look like. How a daddy was supposed to love his daughters, not the twisted way in which I thought life was. I underwent so much through the next two years, it all ended at the court trial that released my mother from jail. That slimy old step-father of mine only got six years of prison time (I mean for 17 years of my life, I thought he deserved a bit more than 6 years in prison!) And I began the move forward into a much healthier, happier, life.

 

There is soooooo much more to that story than I have written here today.So much heartache, deception, and even love. One day I will write it all down in a book to share with other men and women who underwent similar circumstances. I hope to bring healing into their lives!

 

Anyways, two years after leaving my 'home' for my adopted family, I married my husband. Then two years later we welcomed our beautiful daughter into the world! I still suffer from panic attacks, nightmares, and random other things, but not nearly as much as when I first came forward. I have come to realize that everything that happened to me was not necessarily God's will, BUT, that He can use it to do so much more good. I have found myself thankful for what happened because now I have the ability to help men and women who would otherwise not have a voice. What happened to me as a child has propelled me forward into a fantastic life. I have bad days still, but most days are beyond good.

 

I have a loving family, a fantastic life, and some amazing friends. My lot these days is quite good. Sure I can 'complain' about a lot of things (I mean come on, my husband is military!) but my life now is so blessed. I am thankful to Christ for all that He has brought me from: a broken 17 year old sitting in her principles office to a strong woman who can speak out for the abused and neglected. 

 

 

 

I made this video when I was pregnant with my daughter. Wasn't the most well-made, but it was a healing experience for me! I find more and more healing in sharing my story. Every time I do I know that someone is hearing, processing, and healing within themselves as well.

 

 

Welcome to My Version of Life...