2014... YOU will be my Year!

I'm not going to lie. 2014 has some serious downfalls for me. It's another year abroad. Away from family. That kind of starts to wear on you! I love living overseas, but right now I am struggling. We will have a trip home soon (July!) and I'm sure that will refill my batteries and get us through much more to come! I am applying for several things this year, including a job, which holds its own stresses. And I'm hoping to grow more musically.

The biggest event to come in 2014 is the release of my step father from prison. I have had this on  my mind for weeks to write about and I keep holding myself back. Afraid to put this all in words. The dread and fear that I have of this persons release into the world again. It's easy to forget their general existence (aside from the physical and emotional scars) when they are locked away. Unable to get to you and those that you care about. But this is the year. The year that the man who terrifies me gets to walk freely again.

To say this is unjust doesn't really begin to cover it. I was 17 before I came forward with what was happening to me. And honestly I don't know when the abuse began. Sometime in the 3rd grade...

The feelings that started in me before the New Year can be intense. I'm sure that he will never contact me, because to do so could get him thrown back in jail, but the irrational fear that embeds itself into abuse victims is one I know all too well. I fear the person who is locked away, I fear my own fear, and I fear what could become of those I love when he is released.

I say all this in preparation for what I want to say next...

This is MY year. I will succeed in this year! I will grow in my faith to Christ and the God who loves me and saved me, and will continue to guide me. I will grow in my musical talent and ability. I want to really concentrate on getting better at both singing and playing. Harmonizing, and learning my voice and its capabilities. This year I want to begin making a difference in other abuse victims lives, be they in abuse now, just coming out of it, or still dealing with the scars left over. I WILL begin my book. In fact, as hard as it may be to post, I want to begin posting my ideas on this blog. I hope to reach other readers, other abuse victims, I want to get their stories, their scars, their fears, and I want to expose the world to what we are going through and what they can do, what we can do to make it better. Within the next week I want to begin posting my first thoughts on this book and how I want (and how God wants) this to move forward. First and foremost, something I have been lacking in, I want to begin every day with a prayer for those women and men out there who know what it is to be sexually, physically, and mentally abused.

I can already feel myself changing, and I hope that you can take this journey with me. I want you to grow and change with me. To become a stronger, better person. Whether you believe there is a magnificent God out there who loves you or not, you can journey with me forward in 2014. One of the scariest years of my life.

**please share this post. I really want to reach abuse victims. Share your stories with me. Your thoughts. Your fears. I will join you, I will love you, I will cry and pray for you. With you.**